


I wish things were different

by a_never_ending_story



Category: Red Queen Series - Victoria Aveyard
Genre: F/M, Half of this is Maven being a psychopath, I wrote this when I was 12 and depressed, I'm a sucker for Marecal, Love, Not really Mareven pretty much just Maven pining for Mare, Toxic Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:27:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29454537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_never_ending_story/pseuds/a_never_ending_story
Summary: A once innocent girl with nothing on her hands but conscription was forced to become the lightning girl.A god with no mercy.Tortured through a pain a twisted king called love, betrayed by his perfect brother with the long shadow, robbed of a brother, and twisted beyond recognition.Once she looked down on silvers then she became one and then became worse. Monsters aren't born they are created and the little lightning girl is no exception.~Also available on Wattpad~
Relationships: Mare Barrow/Maven Calore, Mare Barrow/Tiberias "Cal" Calore VII
Comments: 7
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is a work I wrote a couple of years ago and posted on Wattpad. During quarantine, I got inspired to edit it and I fully completed it a couple of months ago. Some of it was pretty terrible...but I did find some stuff I was proud of. I decided to post it on here for anyone who wants to read:)

**Mare POV**

I have to walk away.

I'm broken and right now I'm not sure if anyone can put me back together.

I've already walked away from Cal. I lost my happy ending. Cal was my one shot and I blew it. Now, what is keeping me here? I've already served my purpose, I have lived a thousand lives. Still, I'm not sure if any of it was worth it.

I can feel the blood on my hands bleeding out. It's pouring out like a waterfall. It's unstoppable, slowly drowning me in my unspeakable deeds.

I want that blood to fade. I want to be Mare Barrow again. The girl who didn't care about silver kings or pointless wars. She didn't really care about anything except conscription, the fish boy, and her favorite brother. I will never completely be that girl again. But I can be the best version of myself.

Not Mareena Titanos. Not the Lightning Girl. The real Mare Barrow. She's somewhat of a pain according to the fish boy. She's fairly kind although several people have accused her of stealing things. Not sure what that's about. Most of all she doesn't care what people think. She's her own person whether people like it or not.

That girl is inside of me. I just have to look underneath the layers of pageantry, betrayal, and hurt. I'm under there somewhere.

I don't want to end up like Maven. He is a shell with nothing but ghosts and I can't be like that. I have so much to live for. But not in Norta. Here everything is tainted, poisoned by the touch of fire. That's not a world I want to live in. I want to live in a world where I can sleep at night. I don't want to scream and cry every time I close my eyes, plagued by nightmares.

I want to be happy.

I shouldn't say anything before I leave. But I have to. I put Cal, Kilorn, and the Guard through so much while I was a prisoner to Maven. I will not allow them to think for one second that Maven has captured me. I must make sure that they know I have left of my own volition. No one else's.

I can't bring myself to tell Cal in person. He would just convince me that going is a bad idea. Even if it is it's not his decision to make. It's mine and mine only. I'm sure if I told him we would just fight. Again. I really don't want our last memory together to be us fighting. I want to remember two stupid people who were in love. Not two people ripped apart by their own broken promises and betrayals.

But I guess that's what it's come to.

I should tell Farley. I really should. But saying goodbye makes it harder. It makes you realize that it's real. You replay those goodbyes over and over. Until they seem real again. But I have to talk to someone before I leave. Someone that will tell them where I've gone but won't pressure me to stay. There's an obvious choice.

"You called Barrow?" "Hello, Evangeline."

"So what exactly do you want?" "A favor. If you do this for me we're even." A look of shock passes over Evangeline's face. It looks strange on her. "Okay. What do you want me to do?" "I'm leaving. For good. Tell the court that-" Evangeline interrupts, "That Maven isn't doing it this time?" "Yes."

"So Barrow does this new deal of ours apply to my brother too?" Ah, Evangeline must be trying to pick a fight. "What do you think?" She smirks at me. "I'll take that as a no." I laugh. "You think?"

"What would you like me to tell the firecracker?" "I-" She cuts me off again. "How much you love him? How much you miss him?" I roll my eyes. "I don't want you to tell him something. I do want you to give something to him." "Well, I'm already your errand girl so what is it?" I hand her the bloodred earring Cal gave to me.

"Anything else?" "No."

"Well, goodbye Barrow. I can't say I'll miss you but I will miss our little deals. And your interactions with the Calores were very entertaining. I'll give you that." "Goodbye Evangeline." She walks out swishing her metal skirt as she goes. Typical.

Now for the hard part of my plan. Leaving. It's very hard for a 5'2" girl to climb out of a window but I manage. The area surrounding Corvium is very large and currently very annoying. It takes me longer than I would care to admit but I finally make it out.

I communicated my plan to Davidson as soon as Cal showed his true colors. He flew to Monfort a couple of hours ago. To wait for me. I just have to make it to the border. It will take a while but it's a necessary evil to avoid suspicion and to keep Davidson innocent. The Scarlet Guard and Montfort need this alliance still.

I've finally made it to the forest. I'm not sure how far away I am from Corvium. Far enough away that this place hasn't been touched by the war. I look around at my surroundings.

I'm met with a pair of icy blue eyes.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Farley POV**

I'm starting to wonder where Mare is. I haven't heard from her since yesterday. The Silvers just assumed she was upset over Cal again. I know better than those disgusting people. Something was up and as a general of Command, I should be the one to figure it out.

I'll never forgive myself if she's been captured again. She means so much to her family. They were devastated when she was captured.

She holds their family together in a way.

It's hard for them to understand who she is now. They forget that she isn't still that girl from the Stilts. She's a hero as-well-known to most people as their own names.

I've already lost my mother, my sister, and my child's father. I can't lose the only family I've got besides Clara. Mare is family now.

As I'm trying to think a rather rude person keeps knocking on my door. I just disregard it. It's probably some drunk noble. I certainly do notice when what was once a doorknob turns into a smoking pile of ash. The so-called rightful king of Norta bursts into my room and doesn't waste any time before asking about Mare.

"What did you do to her? Where is she?" "Nothing Calore and I don't know." "You sent her to Maven as some sort of bait, I'm sure of it." " And why would I do that, Your Highness?" I sneer. He doesn't respond, and I'm not done yet. "You really think that I would do that to her?" We're both beyond angry now. "I'm leaving" "Well then GO!" I can't believe that man sometimes. First, he stomped all over Mares' heart as soon as the crown was within reach, then he tries to act all worried about her.

Stupid fire prince.

It's easy to wonder if he really loves her sometimes. If a crown meant more to him than love was it really love? I do know a thing or two about love.

I should have talked to her more. Doesn't mean she would have listened but maybe I could have prevented this. Mare Barrow is a good person and I wish I would have told her that more. I've never thought about the fact that no one says good things to her. They'll call her a monster but they won't call her beautiful. Maybe that's why she's drawn to Maven and Cal. Because they're the only people that do.

I always assumed she was okay, and physically she was, but mentally I'm not so sure.

Looking back on it now I have been so stupid, I should have seen it. The wrists, locked doors, the screaming in the middle of the night were the things I saw and heard but there was so much more.

The pain of killing someone and how you never forget, and how much she changed after becoming Mareena Titanos. A once innocent girl with nothing on her hands but conscription was forced to become the lightning girl. A god with no mercy. Tortured through a pain a twisted king called love, betrayed by his perfect brother with the long shadow, robbed of a brother, and twisted beyond recognition. Once she looked down on silvers then she became one and then became worse. Monsters aren't born they are created and the little lightning girl is no exception.

Even worse I watched it happen and I didn't stop it. I might have even contributed.

How many thoughts that are not her own does she have floating around her head? I know Elara and Samson were in her head but what did they do to her? She's always different after she's with them.

We've ruined Mare Barrow's life because we used her. We push her around and we use her but no one shows her appreciation. We treat her like a toy in our revolution.

It's time that changes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Cal POV**

I lost the only thing I had left. I lost my mother, my father, and my little brother. Mare was all I had. Why didn't I hold on tighter? Why did I choose the crown? She means so much more than any crown.

Shouldn't love mean more than anything else? Shouldn't it mean that you value your significant other more than anything else? I suppose not. If I did love Mare above all else why was it so easy to choose the crown over her? We always knew we had bigger dreams and paths than where we were going. But I didn't think it would end so suddenly. But she was destined to be a hero and I was destined to be a King.

How could we be so selfish to leave those paths?

So many died for us to achieve these dreams. We both lost our closest confidants. For her it was Shade and for me my father. Millions of reds fell so that she could rise. She is their champion, their savior and I'm their King. My father died at Elara's hands and it is my duty to avenge him.

Who am I to sacrifice what they did for me for my own happiness? The truth is I can't. I still thought I would have my happy ending but happiness is a fickle thing. It comes and goes. But with Mare it was different. I was always happy and I felt this overwhelming sense of love. Every second of every day.

It wasn't perfect but it was real. That's what truly counts. We fought and at times we hated each other. But we always found a way back to each other. Through all the lies and betrayal Mare Barrow was the eye in the storm. Drawing me in closer and closer through the storm surrounding her. Past Mareena Titanos, the lightning girl, and all of the other masks she has donned.

Most of my good memories are with her. The Notch, Piedmont, and dancing in the moonlight. But every memory is tainted now. Because of him. My brother took Mare Barrow and parts of her never came back. It's impossible to understand the amount of pain I feel every time I see what he did to her. She can't sleep alone, she hates locked doors, and she has a panic attack every time someone touches her wrists. It's horrible because I can't help her. I feel so useless when she's in pain and I can't help her. I will never forgive my brother for doing that to her.

One thing being King has taught me is that there are bigger things than me. I'm a small piece in an astronomically big puzzle. I love Mare Barrow and she means more to me than anything else but I can't choose her. Not because I don't want to but because I'm not the only person in the world. My decisions don't just affect me. I am a King and I have an entire kingdom to think about.

Not just one red girl.

That still doesn't stop the want though. I still want to talk to her. Even if it's the last time.

I walk down the lonely empty corridors to her room. It seems like a tomb. Sucking me in. Towards the deadly poison, it holds. I knock softly on her door and wait for some sort of response. None. I open her door quietly. She's not there. Where is she? There are no lights on and her bed is still made. Something is very off.

I'll go to Farley in the morning. I don't have the energy to do it tonight. I'm exhausted to the bone. After the battle and the argument that followed, I am absolutely drained. So I sleep.

I wake up screaming. Another nightmare.

On the walk to Farley's room, my mind wanders. Why didn't Mare choose me? Why did she leave? I hope Farley has the answer to the latter. The former I would very much like to ask in person.

Before I know it I'm at Farley's chambers. I knock on the door softly. No response. I knock harder. Still no response. This time I bang both my fists against the door. Silence. I turn the doorknob slowly. Locked. So I do the next best thing. I turn the doorknob into ash. Farley turns to look at me her glazed eyes suddenly alert. She moves her mouth to speak but I beat her to it. "What did you do to her? Where is she?" "Nothing Calore and I don't know." "You sent her to Maven as some sort of bait, I'm sure of it." " And why would I do that, Your Highness?" For that, I have no response.

We're both beyond angry now. "You really think that I would do that to her?" I'm not so sure now. But I won't show any weakness to Diana Farley. "I'm leaving" "Well then GO!"

As I walk back to my room I start to feel strange. I feel sort of nauseous and my brain is starting to spin.

Then everything goes black.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Mare POV**

"Maven." He looks up at me from where he's sitting. "Mare." "Well?" "What?" He smirks at me leaning forward letting his curly hair fall into his eyes. I just roll my eyes at him. "Care to explain why you're sitting in the middle of a forest leaning against a tree?" "I'm sure you can take a fairly accurate guess." I scoff at him. "Stalker." I huff. "Not ashamed." He huffs back mocking me.

"Maven, leave before I kill you." "An empty threat." "We'll see about that." "Then kill me, Mare Barrow. Let's see if you have the guts." I sneer at him and begin walking away.

I feel his hand catch my wrist.

Without thought, I twist his arm and let out a strangled sort of a yelp. He looks at me alarmed. I think I see regret flash in his eyes. For what I can't say. "The manacles?" He asks his voice hoarse. I sit down bracing my back against a tree. I close my eyes. "Yes. Your manacles."

"I truly broke something in you didn't I?" "You wish Maven Calore. The Silent Stone did more to me than you ever could've." He laughs quietly. "Never change Mare." "You don't usually give me a choice on whether or not I get to change." I feel heartbreak tearing at my chest. He sobers up. "Fair point."

"Why are you here?" "I have spies you know." I clasp a hand to my chest in fake shock. "What? You?" He rolls his eyes. "I heard you were running away." "Not exactly true." He glares at me. "Then what is the truth?" "Actually that's probably pretty close to the truth." He chuckles. "You know you can give a straight answer every once in a while." "Nope."

"So Montfort?" "Yes." "Why?" "Because you're not in Montfort. That's a pretty large bonus." "Harsh." "You want to talk about harsh? Maven do you really want to go there?" I stand up and face Maven. "Your obsession with me will be your demise Calore." He smirks at me. "We'll see. Any chance you want to come back to the palace with me to test that theory?"

"No, you lunatic."

"Are you going to kidnap me?" "No." "Why not?  
It's not like you haven't done it before." "How well did that end for me last time Mare?" I move to speak but he cuts me off. "I lost every one of my newbloods and lost a large number of my silvers. Whether it was house rebellions or simply death they're all gone. To top it all off I lost you."

"You're the only person in the world that I love and I lost you." "You never had me." I spit back with venom. "You act like my love is some sort of prize. Or that loving me gave you the right to steal six months of my life from me. It doesn't Maven. Loving me is a privilege that you will never have." His eyes darken. Good.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" "You and I both know I couldn't even if I tried." "Well try harder!"

"I'm sorry Mare." I scoff at him. "For what exactly?" "You deserved better." My mouth falls open in shock. "What?" I whisper. "You deserved better than Cal and me." "Damn right."

We began walking in silence. It was almost nice. Almost.

"Who would you have become if I hadn't fallen into that arena Maven?" He shivers. "Certainly you would be dead." "That wasn't the question." "I wouldn't trade being that person in that life for never knowing you, not in a thousand lifetimes." "But you would've been you. The real you." "Mare I haven't been fully myself in a very long time." I feel tears spring to my eyes. I turn away from Maven so he doesn't see them.

I feel his eyes on me anyway. He saw.

We continue walking for a while. Eventually, we come to a clearing at the end of the forest.

"I think this is the part where I leave." "Yes. Yes, it is." "Promise me you'll come back one day. That's all I ask." His eyes go far away. "Someday I want my children to meet you." I smile at him. "I'd like that."

"Why are you letting me go so easily?" "Because if you leave even if you won't be with me you won't be with Cal." "Always jealous of him." "It wasn't my choice. My mother thought my jealousy for him and my heartbreak over you made me stronger. So she decided not to remove it."

"Will your mother ever leave you?" "Every day her voice gets quieter. I suppose I have you to thank for that." I nod silently.

"Goodbye, Mare." "Goodbye Maven."


	3. Chapter 3

**Cal POV**

The first thing I feel is the sensation of my numbed cheek against the cold marble floor.

There are flecks of sliver blood on the floor painting a rather terrifying picture. My head is throbbing and I can feel blood slowly trickling down my cheek. I welcome the pain. It distracts me from the thoughts of her.

She left. She really left.

It's my fault that she left. If I hadn't chosen the crown would she still be here? Maybe. But I can't choose her. And she can't choose me.

She does seem to forget sometimes that she was not the only one who chose something over love. Yes, I chose the crown but she chose her cause. Mare Barrow has never chosen me. And I have never chosen her.

She never chooses me but she always saves me.

When Elara made me kill my mother she was the one who grabbed my hand and ran with me. She had dried tears all over her face as she desperately yelled at me to run. She looked like a mess. But still beautiful.

In the arena, we saved each other too many times to count. But when Osanos started to drown me she killed him. I've never felt more gratitude towards anyone. The feeling of being drowned is horrific. You feel your lungs gasping for air and your body starts to shut down. And you can do nothing but watch it happen.

Then in Naercey she came back for me and helped me fight off all of Mavens army. On Tuck when the Colonel threw me in a cell and offered me to Maven she fought for me and landed herself in a cell too. She risked everything to save me.

Who does that?

It is those moments that make me question if choosing the crown was the right decision. But if the reds, silvers, and newbloods stand behind me isn't what I'm doing the right thing?

I used to think so, but that was when I said strength and power too. Now I know who we have strength and power over.

Reds may be weaker than us in ability but they are stronger than us in so many ways. They have the capacity for happiness and love. I don't know that I've ever seen that in a silver marriage. Everything we do is a ploy for more power. In a way that makes us weak. Love makes you weak but it makes you strong too.

Diana Farley is an excellent example.

She loves her daughter more than anything. She loved Shade. That doesn't make her weak. It makes her strong.

It's terrible but in some ways, I envy Shade and Farley. They were on the same side and their blood ran the same deep red.

Mare and I can never be on the same side. She is red and I am silver. Those words and those colors will forever divide us.

But even that will never stop me from loving her.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Mare POV**

His blue eyes haunt me. Everywhere I turn they're there taunting me. They laugh at me for wanting my sworn enemy so desperately.

I hate Maven Calore. I hate the way he makes me feel.

Every time I look at him I see flashes of the little ghost boy. The little ghost boy is slowly turning me inside out, every step I take he's there.

He asks me why I don't love him.

He asks why everyone chooses his brother over him.

Then he goes silent as Elara Merandus picks him apart until he is a ruthless king sitting on a throne of lies and deceit.

How can someone so cold and empty set me ablaze like this? I want to forget. I desperately want to forget every kiss, every hot touch, and every piece of love that I have for Maven Calore.

But he's not the boy I loved anymore. He's just a hollow shell that holds too many memories to count. It hurts to think that I could have stopped that. If I had chosen to be his queen I could have saved him from his snake of a mother and maybe the Maven Cal and I loved would still be here. But Cal would be dead.

And I would let Maven rot in hell and become a monster a thousand times if it meant that Cal would live.

Maven was right. I will always choose Cal over him.

Because despite his faults Cal would never chain me up or brand me. The charred M on my collarbone is a stark reminder of exactly who Maven is and what he is capable of. He told me he loved me and then he burned a permanent mark on my skin claiming me and he let me slowly rot to death under the weight of silent stone.

He will be my downfall. One day the weight of what has been done to me will finally collapse upon me. I always knew he would be my demise.

And eventually, I will be his too.

He loves me in his sick corrupted way and not having me in his life will slowly break him down until even I won't be able to recognize him. I've finally come to terms with the fact that I cannot save him and I cannot change him. He loves me but not enough.

I'm not enough for him to change.

I never was.

Because Maven knows that even if I love him I will never love him enough to choose him. I will always hate him for taking away my innocence and for making me love him.

He broke my heart and I broke his.

It's better this way heartbreak makes you stronger.

Love makes you weak.

I can't wait to leave this hellhole and leave the Calore brothers behind. They destroyed me. And I hate them for it.

After I leave the name Mare Barrow will be forgotten. Nothing but an almost princess who went mad and fled never to be seen again.

Cal will eventually forget about me. He'll let his work consume him until he becomes his father. Evangeline will be tethered to someone she could never love for the rest of her life watching as the woman she loves has children with her brother and lives the life she's always wanted.

And me? I'll just be an interesting story for Cal and Maven to tell their kids one day.

I'm not afraid of that future.

I just wish that it didn't have to happen this way.


	4. Chapter 4

**Maven POV**

I'm going to get her back. No matter the cost.

Soon Mare will be mine again, and I won't make the same mistakes again. Better guards a tighter leash whatever it takes for her to stay with me. Because I love her. And I can't bear to be without her even if it hurts us both.

We hurt each other because it's what we're good at.

Her words will haunt me for the rest of my miserable life.

"Your father loved you, you didn't see it but he did", "You'll never lose me", " I loved you and now I'm going to die for it", "Help me", "Kill me", "You're going to let me die just like Thomas."

No one can quite tear me apart quite like her. Her words rip apart my flesh until there's nothing left but a skeleton with a cold crown. She hates me I know that much but at the same time, she loves me. I can feel her conflicted emotions.

I told her to hide her heart and she should have listened.

Emotions have no place on a battlefield.

But they could if only she would choose me. I would give her the world.

But instead, we're just broken people with no one to put together the pieces. You can't put together broken glass. Mother tried but she only twisted me up even more. I hate Mare for killing her.

I want to kill her. But I can't no matter how much I may want to. I wonder how far we would have been by now. Maybe she wouldn't have even thought of it as a cage anymore. Damn Cal. He took her away from me.

He will die. I'll make her watch every agonizing moment of it. I'll make her realize she made the wrong choice. I want her to be solely dependant on me.

So I'll take away all the things she loves most. Cal, the fish boy, that wretched general, and of course her family. None of them are worthy of her love. Cal betrays her at every single opportunity and her family has never done anything for her. They would have allowed her to be taken by conscription and they never fought for her to have a better life. They overlooked her in favor of the sister.

What a grave mistake they made.

Iris did say something about gaining Piedmont as an ally. Maybe we could kill two birds with one stone here. Go to the Scarlet Guards base in Piedmont where we believe it to be, and with Brackens help, and invade the Rift.

Get some leverage to draw Mare out of hiding. Mare Barrow is nothing if not loyal. She'll come for her family even if it will be her demise.

I address my soldiers first.

"Tomorrow we will bring an end to all of our enemies in an attack on Piedmont and the Rift. We will find, kill, and capture all the wretched traitors who have dared to betray us."

The soldiers yell and scream in agreement. They're foolish. The Scarlet Guard and my brother's coalition will not be easy to kill and will cost many of them their lives.

But I suppose death is the price you pay for blind loyalty.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Mare POV**

After seeing Maven today I finally feel like I can let go. Even if he could be saved I don't want to be the one to redeem him. Even if it is his mother's fault he is like this I can't forgive him. He's wronged me one too many times.

I don't want to save him.

He chained me up in a palace for six months and cut me off from half of myself and called it love. That's not love. That's obsession. Fear. Abandonment.

He kissed me against my will and used my own lightning against me. He allowed a Whisperer to tear through my brain even though he knows exactly what that does to a person. He played games with my mind and hurt me when I was at my weakest. He paraded me across Archeon and put a collar on me like some dog. In what world is that love?

Maven doesn't love me he loves the idea of me. If I love him he wins his never-ending battle with Cal. I'm nothing to him but a means to hurt Cal. That's all I've ever been.

I was never anything to him and he was once everything to me.

Him and his mother saw a weak girl who could be manipulated and they used me to kill someone.

They made me fall in love with the poor shadow prince.

He doesn't deserve to be loved. He deserves to live out the rest of his days alone thinking of all he could have had. He deserves to die and rot in hell.

And yet I can't kill him.

I see the shadow boy in him and that hurts more than knowing that it was all fake. A glimmer of what Elara made me believe is true.

And that's what hurts the most.

Maybe my life will be better once I'm in Montfort. I might be happy. I can finally forget about the Calores and leave this terrible life behind me. I feel so much hope as I run towards the transport that will take me to my new life and my second chance. The steps of the metal transport feel like the steps to my freedom. I'm no longer a martyr to a cause and I'm no longer a fallen princess.

I'm Mare Barrow.

The transport begins to move as we speed towards Montfort. I lean against the plush seat and let my eyes drift close.

For the first time since I met Cal that fateful night I'm able to sleep alone.

Without nightmares.


	5. Chapter 5

**Cal POV**

Dane Davidson knows where Mare went. That much is clear. He has been skipping council meetings and leaving the ones that he did attend at strange times. And no one has seen him since we realized Mare was missing.

I want to kill him. I want to burn every inch of life from his body until he tells me where she is.

He helped her leave even though it risked our entire alliance and put his own country at risk.

Why? What could she have offered him?

Why was she so desperate to leave? I need to see her so I can get some answers from her.

She didn't even say goodbye.

He must have taken her to Montfort. It was his home country after all. The strange country where there was no division between red and silver.

I needed to go to Montfort. I just had to convince Nanabel.

Lucky there was a war council starting in around 20 minutes. I sat and waited for what felt like days until it began. The council was scheming about my brother and his nymph queen until Montfort came up.

I used that as my opportunity.

"I believe that we should visit this strange nation. We know next to nothing about it, and it is vital to this coalition that we know more about Premier Davidson's country." To my surprise, none other than Evangeline Samos comes to my aid. " I second King Tiberias's notion."

I wince at the use of my full name. She notices. I can only wonder what motives Evangeline has behind her support. I know that she hates me so she's not doing this for the sake of our future marriage.

"Well, then I believe with the help of Princess Evangeline and another envoy for Norta we will go to Montfort and bring back more knowledge on this Democracy." "Perhaps Lord Jacos?" "Yes," Julian whispered barely audible.

"There is still planning to do." "It's okay Nanabel we just need a jet and some provisions for the journey. I'm sure Premier Davidson will be rather accommodating." Nanabel pleads with her eyes for me not to go. I shake my head at her.

"When do we leave?" Evangeline's typically very good at hiding her feelings but I can hear the fury and sadness creeping into her words. "Tomorrow at dawn."

Nanabel dismisses them. "Nanabel could I talk to Uncle Julian?" "Yes, Cal."She sounds sad. I wish she could understand why I have to go. She doesn't understand my love for Mare. She never could.

"I assume you're not going to Montfort to learn about it. So why are you going there, Cal?" "Because that's where Mare is." "In Montfort?" He says in disbelief. "Her family's there, there's the fact that Premier Davidson wasn't there when she left, and he hasn't been to any of the council meetings lately." "Yes but that doesn't mean that Mares in Montfort." "Julian it's the most I've heard about Mare in weeks. You can't expect me to not look." I say almost begging now. "

"Please, Julian you know how much she means to me." "I do." "Then please help me." "Ok, Cal but don't get your hopes up to high. I don't want you to be disappointed if she's not there." "Thank you."

"Dawn then."

It felt like I had just shut my eyes for a second when it was time to leave.

As I boarded the carrier my thoughts drifted to her.

Love was not a word we used. But maybe we should have. I love you means I choose you above all else. It should mean I choose you. We both broke promises. We both should have been more open. I shouldn't have let her be captured. She shouldn't have killed all of those people in Corros. We both shouldn't have trusted Maven.

I understand that we can't be together but I have to say goodbye. I can't just never see her again. Not after everything we've been through.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Maven POV**

The attack would begin in Piedmont while the other part of my army attacked the Rift. I want all the blood traitors of the Rift dead. Most of all my perfect brother. I want every other person who was supposed to love me to suffer. Mare, my grandmother, and my brother.

They might have loved me once.

But that was in another life.

A life with a King with a long shadow, a Queen of steel and knives, a forgotten Prince, and a Princess with a big secret. We all have awful paths but they are ones we chose for ourselves.

Cal wants to fight a war for a dead man and shoulder the burden of a crown. With a queen like a panther waiting to pounce. Surely she will kill him if I don't.

Both in love with another.

Mare is a merciless lightning girl who will spare any amount of blood for victory.

I am a boy king who does the same every single day. Yet I am the one they call a monster. My hands are no cleaner than Mares. We both have so much blood on our hands. Cal does too.

"But he is weak, and would make a weak king." I can't help but agree with mother. Cal can't make choices. Unless it involves choosing the crown.

He broke Mare's heart, the fool. At least I have Mother to blame. Who does Cal have?

I wonder who I would have been had it not been for Mare. Surely she would be dead. It hurts to imagine her obliterated in a trench, in the final gasps of the Lakelander War. I won't let her die. If she is with me she will be safe. I would kill everyone on that base to get her.

"Your majesty we've arrived."

"Good. Nornus, Blonos, Greco find the lightning girl's family and anyone else we can use as leverage against her."

As I wait for them to return I think over my scheme. Mare has to have an official use in the eyes of the nobles. I have a wonderful idea that will hurt my brother too. I will use her as leverage to draw him out if I don't capture him first.

I can also use the same principle with the Scarlet Guard, for who are they without their figurehead? A band of red rats with no faces to rally behind. Mare Barrow has a face as widely recognizable as my own.

For obvious reasons.

I can only imagine what the reds must think of her. I suppose they think her a hero. She is far from even being a good person but she has done many good things and is a beacon of hope for the underfoot and oppressed. And a thorn in my side.

"Your majesty they aren't here."

"What?" I erupt. "Get out of my sight." I went out of my dropjet and was met with only sentinels and no captures, unfortunately. "Get me someone who knows about the progress of the attack on the Rift." A soldier walked up to me sometime later. "Your majesty the Rift did not fall." I tried to keep my cool. "Any captures?"

"Yes, General Farley and Kilorn Warren." "And my brother?" "Alive."

"One more loss to your perfect brother." Mother whispers to me. It doesn't matter he will be dead soon. I am already starting on the broadcast that will draw Mare out. It goes out in two days' time.

Then I will once again have what was always meant to be mine.

  



	6. Chapter 6

**Mare POV**

"Mare!"

I jump up and run to Davidson. "Davidson! What are you doing here? I thought we weren't meeting until tonight." "Mare I-" "What, What is it?" "Attack on Piedmont and the Rift and Calore, Samos, and Jacos are coming."

"What! Why? Why do they have to come here?" "I believe your prince is aware of your presence in Montfort. He has requested a meeting. It will be soon but it has been postponed due to battle casualties. Once he takes care of his men he's coming here."

"Casualties on the battles?" "Around 200 dead." "Captures?" "Just two." "Odd Maven likes ransom and capture." "Mare you didn't ask who he has." "Okay, who does he have?" I ask impatiently about the information he is hiding from me. "Kilorn and Farley."

"No. No No No this cannot be happening." "He says you for their escape."

"I have to hide." "If you want to and we will discuss the issue of Maven later." "Fine but this discussion isn't over. Now, where do I go?"

"I don't know, maybe to talk to Cal."

"No. Davidson I will not so help me god if you try and make me I will kill you where you stand." "Hold the death threats for a moment, Miss Barrow. If you speak to him he might stop interrogating everyone who has so much as talked to you in the last six months."

"Cal is nothing if not persistent. But it's still a no!" "Barrow go this isn't your choice anymore. I don't care what you say to him, kill him for all I care, just get him out of my city." I suddenly regret any kind feelings I had ever had towards Dane Davidson.

"I will not go." "Mare Barrow you are not a child so stop acting like it. You will speak with him and you will both handle this like adults."

"I just got away from him what makes you think I will go anywhere near him? And do not call me a child a child would not be running from a person who quite literally ruined her life. Don't pretend like you know anything about me or my relationship. I will speak to Cal but not for you or because of your empty threats."

"My apologies Miss Barrow." "I don't want your empty apology and meaningless promises. Where is he?" "In my home, for dinner. Tell Carmadon what you're there for and he'll know what to do. There's a transport waiting outside." I stalk off to the transport waiting. I get on and wonder just what kind of scheme Carmadon and Davidson have created. Surely I won't like it.

As I stomp away from the transport a man meets me at the door of Davidson's mansion. Presumably his husband Carmadon.

"How lovely to see you, Miss Barrow." "Get to it what do you want from me?" "Nothing more than a simple dinner on the terrace with a few old friends." I very much doubt that it will be simple considering your attendees." "Ah, Miss Barrow you don't disappoint."

"What?" "I can see why those princes find you so alluring."

"Who exactly will be attending? Julian and Cal?" "And Evangeline Samos." This should be fun I think bitterly. "If I don't kill Tiberias by the end of the night I wager she will," Carmadon smirks at my remark.

"Thank god your face can move I thought you and your husband were incapable of emotion." "Likewise Miss Barrow. Believe it or not, you don't exactly come across as warm or friendly." "There's a reason for that." "Oh, I know."

"I hope your husband knows I am only doing this for my family and the Scarlet Guards and Montforts alliance." "I do believe anyone with eyes can see that."

Now it was my turn to smirk.

"Dane has prepared something for you to wear for your meeting. I do believe you will quite like it." "I truly doubt that. I find no delight in dressing up, unlike the Magnetron princess."

"It is in the sitting room. Walk with me?" "Do I have a choice?" "No, I suppose not."

"Now this must seem insensitive but I must ask how could you love the person who stands against everything you believe in?" "He wasn't always against everything I believe in. You should know that you can't control who you love. Your marriage to Davidson in Norta would be more forbidden than if Cal and I were to marry." "You Nortans are far behind the rest of the world."

"Of course we are. Look at our leadership."

"You speak of the boy king?" "No, actually Cal is more incompetent than Maven is. Maven has no morals but he is a good king. He once told me that Cal can't make choices and there is an element of truth to that." "Interesting. Have you spoken to Dane about this?" "No. He'll just use it against him."

"If you hate Maven and Tiberias so much why do you defend them so much?" I have no answer for him.

"Ah, here we are Miss Barrow." "You can call me Mare you know." "Of course Miss Barrow." In front of me, I find a garment I do indeed like. Not that I would tell him that. I put it on and walk out onto the terrace for this mess of a dinner party.

I'm met with eyes of liquid fire.

And I won't let them burn me again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Maven POV**

The broadcast would be going out any time now. It was beyond brilliant even for me.

It would not only break the little lightning girl's icy heart but it would also kill my brother to know he will never see his love again.

He will never get to grow old with her or see her face in his children. Instead, she will be with me for the rest of her life. She will grow to love me again and I don't care what it takes to make her mine again. I will have everything and leave Cal with nothing but bittersweet memories.

I will finally have everything I deserve. The girl, the crown, and the guarantee of Cal's demise. Without Mare, he will crumble. Maybe then they will see him as they always saw me. A monster without any sanity. Someone who's not worth saving.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had helped Mare up the day my father died. Or rather when mother and I killed him.

Cal would have grown to be an old and jolly king until his queen of knives supplanted him with his own child. Just like mother did. I would be forever doomed to kneel to be in my brother's shadow, never to be noticed or acknowledged always second. Poor little Mavey.

But I would be happily married and in love.

We would have had the prettiest daughters, I can just imagine little girls with my eyes and her hair running around. I would love them unconditionally because they would be the child of the woman I love most. A symbol of our love. And no matter what I would have always been faithful and devoted to my little lightning girl. My soulmate, my one true love.

But that was another life.

Now I must sit on my silent throne until my lies swallow me whole. Or wait until my last hope arrives.

She's the only one who can save me.

And I'm the only one who can save her. She'll destroy herself.

No matter what it takes Mare Barrow lives. Without her I am nothing, I am empty, and I have nothing left. I lost Thomas I can't lose Mare. Her being miserable is better than her being dead.

If only she would cooperate maybe I wouldn't have her in those awful manacles all the time. Maybe one day. I want to kill everyone she loves so that she will have no one left. So that I am the only shoulder she can cry on, the only light in her life, her only hope.

As she is for me.

I want her to love me and never ever think about my fool of an excuse for a brother again. But that's only a fantasy because she will never love me, never see me in the same light she sees Cal, no matter how many horrible deeds he commits she will always love him.

But not if he is dead. I suppose that was always my fantasy kill Cal, save Mare.

"Your Majesty?" "What?" "We are awaiting orders on the prisoners." "Bring me to them." "Of course my king." The walk down to the Bowl of Bones cells was rather quiet and boring. How Mare and Cal stood this is a wonder.

"Ah, the boy king has finally decided to grace us with his presence." "I'm truly honored." "The pleasures all mine Fish Boy. General Farley." I acknowledge.

"What's your motive for putting us down here?" "Don't think so highly of yourself Diana I could care less about you."

The fish boy mutters, "Mare."

"You're not as dense as you seem." He curses under his breath. "Won't be much longer now before your precious lightning girl arrives. Maybe I'll even let her come see you. That might sway her opinion on some subjects. Don't you think?" "You wouldn't." "Oh, but I would General." "Your majesty Mare Barrow has been spotted in Archeon." "No!" Kilorn yells.

"Well then let's go give our lightning girl a proper welcome."

———————————————————————————————————————————————————-  
 **Farley POV**

**4 hours earlier**

As the jet lands and we all start to depart, I immediately notice that something was off. It was too quiet, too still.

"Kilorn do you hear that?" "No." "Exactly. It's too quiet, I have a bad feeling about this." "Relax Farley you're just paranoid."

"Maybe." "Listen I know you're on edge because of Mare but relax a little your freaking everyone out." "Your right, I'll relax a little."

As we begin to walk to the transports taking us to the base Kilorn disappears. Probably flirting with Cameron or some other newblood. Not a minute after Kilorn leaves I feel a hand grab my waist and then pull me backward.

"Kilorn what the-" I feel the hand clamp over my mouth and I try to get out of their grip but they are too strong. I feel a syringe go in my arm and then everything goes black.

**3 Hours Later**

I wake up in a dirty jail cell that looks suspiciously like the Bowl of Bones.

But it can't be, there's no way Maven knew where we were.

I hear a person sigh. "Welcome to the Bowl of Bones." "Kilorn?" Who else would it be?" "How did Maven find us?" "There was an attack on the Rift and Piedmont after we left and they trailed our plane to the city in the south."

"Oh. Any idea why he only captured us, and I'm guessing killed most everyone else?" "He didn't kill everyone. Most of the newbloods were fine but the reds were unarmed. They're all dead or in critical condition. He seemed to only want us."

"How do you know all this?" "I was with Cameron and we saw the first shots being fired and you being taken, and they didn't get me until after all the fighting took place." "And Cameron?" "Silenced a couple of guards and got out okay. And for your first question, I would assume his motive for only capturing us has something to do with Mare."

"Would she really give herself up again after what happened last time?"

"I don't know anymore. Cal and her splitting up broke her more than Maven ever could." "She can't do that to Cal and her family again."

"Maven won't stop until he gets what he wants, he will only keep killing people and taking the people she loves. I love Mare and of course, I don't want her with the monster upstairs but I also don't want every red and newblood in all of Norta dead."

"It's true but the Scarlet Guard also loses their figurehead and she gives Maven a real chance of winning this war. Maven also wins the battle against Cal, and can hold the person he loves the most over his head." "That would break Cal."

"Exactly."

"We can't let him have her." "We don't have any power or sway here. It's not our choice." "Isn't there anything we can do?"

"No, the decision is out of our hands now."


	8. Chapter 8

**Cal POV**

As I look out on the terrace I'm met with beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

"Mare." I breathe out.

"Tiberias."

"Please don't call me that." "Whatever you say, Your Majesty." I glare down at her. "Are we really going to do this right now?"

"Are we?" "No, what we are going to do is hear a real explanation of why you left."

"Ok."

"Ok, so why did you-" "Not here."

"Sorry Julian, Eve we're going to leave." Evangeline only smirks in response. "Have fun lovers."

"What do you want to talk about Cal?" "No, you can't do that to me, pretend like you didn't leave or that you didn't break my heart, and leave me with nothing."

"I'm sorry." "Why did you leave me?" "Because I couldn't handle not being with you for the rest of my life. Not getting to grow old with you, have kids with you, and fall in love with you all over again."

In that single moment, my heart breaks for us.

"What happened to us?" I whisper. She leans onto my shoulder. "We were young, stupid, and in love." "Nothing mattered back then did it?"

"Nothing but you." "I miss that life." "Me too."

"I love you, Cal." "I'll never stop loving you, Mare."

All I know in this moment is that we are going to make it, no matter what. Because I love her with every bit of my heart, every fragment of my being.

"Mare?" "Yes?" Can we try again? And before you say anything think of all of the struggles we have overcome to be together. If we evaded a sociopathic king, every silver and red in the country, and every person telling us that a red girl and a silver prince couldn't be together, why are we letting ourselves get in the way of our happiness?"

"It's not that simple Cal." "But it can be. Say you love me Mare, say that you will love me, and be happy with me?" As I kiss her I feel so many things I haven't felt in a very long time. Hope, love, and most of all happiness. To be with the person I love most in this world. My one and only. Tomorrow we would figure everything out but tonight we would be Mare and Cal. The two people who could lay in each other's arms even as the world was falling apart around them.

But we weren't those people anymore. At least for one night, we could pretend.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Mare POV**

As I met his gaze on the terrace I felt a thousand voices whispering in my ear telling me to go to him.

Going against every instinct that I have I walk out with him. All I want is to lean my head on his shoulders, let him hold me, and to let him shoulder my burdens. How he chose a piece of metal over that I will never know.

Cal chose the crown because of his dead father, but the crown wasn't his father it was merely a burden he was forced to shoulder.

I wonder what the world would have looked like if Coriane Jacos, Cal's mother was still here, a much better place probably. King Tiberias was a heartbroken drunk with nothing but a son and a crown. A heavy weight for such a broken man. Before I thought him heartless but monsters are not born they are created and the dead king was certainly created in one way or another.

By Elara no doubt. I can only hope Cal will not follow in his footsteps or heartbreak. Cal is a good person and I don't want any reason to doubt that.

As Cal speaks all I can think of is what might have been.

I'm sure Cal does the same, reminiscing about the Notch. Those memories are thoughts and feelings that I will never forget. Cal's hot touch against my skin and the love that forever ties us together.

If only we could still be those people caring that the world was falling apart around them. Violent passionate love between two lonely people. The calm before the storm. I guess a part of me always knew that we wouldn't make it, but I held on to the hope that I was wrong. I wanted to defy the odds and be happy, but it would have never worked. A silver prince and a red girl. It sounds like a fairytale.

Cal wants us to be married and such but I can't do it. I love him and there were many points in my life where I would have said yes to a proposal.

But not now.

I've seen enough of what it looks like to be a queen that I will never hold any desire to be one.

If he could move on and forget about me that would be ideal. He and I could be happy in our own ways. It would probably thrill Maven that we wouldn't be together anymore.

I didn't want to talk to him or ever see him again, and it was better that way.

But I was weak and in my weakness I allowed him to kiss me and take me up to his room.

Until a guard interrupted of course.

"Your Majesty, we have received a broadcast from Archeon." "Maven?" "Yes, Miss Barrow." "Let me see it." He looks to Cal. I see him nod in my peripheral vision as if I need his approval.

"Right this way." I feel Cal behind me, radiating warmth. As we near the broadcast room, I start to freak out. I already knew he had Kilorn and Farley but he already told me that. I could only dream of whatever scheme Maven has cooked up now.

All I knew is that it meant trouble and lots of it.

I see the broadcast come to life and I begin to shake. I feel Cal's arm on mine, and I hear him whisper, "You'll be okay."

"Citizens of Norta today it is with a heavy heart I must inform you of some news. Unfortunately, conscription age will be lowered back to 15, the Sunday mass grave hangings will continue, and punishments will be severe for breaking curfew or pickpocketing. Unless of course, Mare Barrow decides to hand herself over. If your hero the Little Lightning Girl is as much of a hero as she claims to be she will hand herself over for the cause she loves so much. Her best friend is also in my clutches. And of course, we wouldn't want anything to happen to the mother of her favorite brother's child now, would we? Come back to me Mare, or face the consequences."

The last thing I feel as everything goes black is familiar arms holding me up and whispering, "Everything will be okay."


	9. Chapter 9

**Mare POV**

I feel familiar arms jerk me back to reality. I immediately shove him off of me and begin to walk away.

"No Mare get back here I'll be damned if you trade yourself to that monster without saying goodbye to me." I huff in response. "Goodbye." I feel soft lips brush mine. I pull away in shock.

"Cal?" "No one would know." "No, we need a plan so that I don't get locked up like a bird for the rest of my life." He smiles his trademark crooked grin at me. I had to will myself from smiling right back.

Mareena would have.

"Any ideas?" "A trap would be the best from a strategic standpoint but it is a higher risk for you and an attack with it would be a big risk but that could have a very high reward." "And if we don't attack after?" "I would send a legion along with the people getting Kilorn and Farley out of there."

"Okay." "I'll talk to you later, I need to go consult the council."

"Do what you want Cal." He frowns at that. Well, what did he expect me to say! I love you? Good luck with ever getting me to say that again Calore.

As I wait for Cal to come back with news from the council, I ponder my personal plan.

Cal is so blind to the fact that innocent reds would be hurt if I didn't give myself to Maven. I suppose he thinks I'm selfish only wanting Kilorn and Farley back. I do but not at the price of red blood we would surely pay. When the legion or army attacks I'll find Maven. He, of course, would suspect my plan already. But he doesn't care what I do as long as I end up in his clutches.

It's a miracle no one has figured out my plan. Both the silvers and the Scarlet Guard would  
try to stop me. They should understand by now that there is no stopping me.

I have truly given up on everything and everyone.

I'm back in Norta too. Apparently, after my little episode, I was put on a dropjet with Cal back. Which means he carried me onto the jet and would have held me throughout the flight.

Everything about that angered me. The fact every person I killed and hurt to get away from him meant nothing. Because in the end, I can never seem to escape the Calore brothers. I was always destined to end up with one of them.

Only Jon knows which one.

I'm almost sure I know who.

"The council believes it wise to attack in tandem with Kilorn and Farley's recovery." "And you?" "It's a bad idea that will only lead to more death." I laugh internally. I guess I'll be going out with a bang. It doesn't matter if he sends a legion or the whole army the results will be the same. But he cannot know that. "There's nothing we can do now."

"Tomorrow at dawn, we leave." As Cal stalks out of the room I get a piece of parchment and begin to detail our plan to Maven.

_Maven_ _,_

_We're attacking at dawn, I'll meet you in your old room._

_Until we meet again_  
——————————————————————————————————————————————————  
 **Maven POV**

I send the guards off to fight while I wait for my Lightning Girl to arrive. She thinks herself so smart telling me to meet her in my old room. Even a child could have guessed at her motive.

I guess I'm no better holding on to Mareena Titanos as she clings to the prince she once loved. She changed so much but the girl I love is still there. Fierce, stubborn, and the bravest girl you will ever meet. Even now after we corrupted her she would still trade herself to save useless reds. I can't say I would care enough to save anyone in this world but her.

Maybe Thomas, but I killed him. And I won't allow Mare to share his fate.

If only I'd never loved her.

Life would be easier.

"Knock Knock." "I appreciated your letter dear." She scowls in response. For someone faced with imprisonment, she's eerily calm. "Are you going to stop the war at your doorstep?" "No, I think I'll let a couple more bodies drop."

"So long as you pin the silvers for it." "So kind of you blaming your love instead of your cause."

"He's not my love." "Not anymore anyway."

"How did you-"

"Darling I have a spy network of my own, did you not think I would find out about my brother and former betrothed splitting up. Over a crown too. What a shame." "Not the first time."

"True."

"Why won't you just leave me alone?" The heartbreak so evident in her voice strikes me through. "Because I love you, and I don't want you to get hurt."

"You hurt me every single day!" She yells. "I'm sorry Mare but it's the only way to keep you safe." I pull her manacles out of my pocket. Immediately her knees buckle and she falls to the floor sobbing. "Please anything but those. I'll do anything." At that, I raise an eyebrow. "Would you be my queen?"

"No." "Well, then I guess the manacles go on." "Maven please." She pleads with me. I still can't believe she hasn't electrocuted me yet.

As I snap the first manacle around her wrist she cries "Fine I'll do it! Just please take it off." I use the key in my pocket to unlock it. She sighs in relief.

"Just remember one wrong step and the manacles go back on," I whisper in her ear. She shivers at my close proximity. Finally, everything was coming together.

"I'll be right back don't try anything," I call a nearby guard over. "Eliminate Iris." "Right away your majesty." "Dispose of the body."

I walk back to my former room to the little lightning girl with one word on my mind.

Mine.


	10. Chapter 10

**Cal POV**

We begin the attack but something feels off.

Maven's forces are fighting back but they aren't trying hard enough.

Almost like they don't care.

I can only begin to guess at Maven's plans. Mare might know.

"Evangeline where's Mare?" "Should've been with you." Apparently, the worry is evident in my face because Evangeline says: "It'll be fine Calore you know Barrow she's probably just doing the opposite of what she's supposed to, as usual."

I laugh. "Probably." Just then one of the lieutenants comes up to give me updates. "Sir Maven's forces have retreated." "My colors where's Mare?" Another soldier walks up to me. "Mare Barrow is missing or she decided to go with the recovery crew for Kilorn and Farley."

I sigh in relief. "She would definitely do that." "Everyone! If Maven's forces have retreated there is no point in pushing. Prepare the dropjets and find Mare Barrow!"

Farley and Kilorn's recovery crew arrive, without Kilorn and Farley.

"You where the hell are Kilorn and Farley?" "We were intercepted." "Is Mare with you?" "No haven't seen her since before the battle started."

"Has anyone seen Mare since before the battle?" A chorus of no rings out. A brave person finally dares to say what everyone's thinking. "Did Maven get her?"

"No, she wouldn't allow it." "Well does anyone have any other ideas where she could be?"

"She could have gone to her or Mareena's room thinking the battle would last longer." Evangeline says, "Cal that might have been her motive at first but if he didn't have her before he has her now. He wouldn't have stopped the battle otherwise." "I won't believe it until I see proof." She just rolls her eyes. "Don't be naive Cal."

"Prepare the first dropjet! I want everyone who will fit on that aircraft. The rest of you find Mare Barrow."

"Where do we look?" "I don't know," I answer.

"Don't bother looking." "Mavey?" "In case your wondering brother your former love is inside. Hmm, but it seems as if she's gone rogue." "What did you do to her?" "Nothing." "Really? No manacles?" I fire back knowing she had to have manacles on. "No." "Liar." "Your Little Lightning Girl was more than happy to agree to my proposal." "Mare wouldn't agree to anything that you say and you know it, Maven."

"Oh, I see." "You see what?"

"She really didn't tell you we have been communicating back and forth? I knew she didn't love you but I didn't think it was that bad brother." "You really expect me to believe anything that comes out of your mouth ever again?" "You don't have to believe me. You'll see for yourself eventually." My grandmother comes up to me. She softly whispers in my ear. "Cal we have to leave. There's nothing here worth saving." "What about Mare?"

"She's a traitor who only cares about herself now let's go."

"Don't worry Cal you'll see Mare soon. Hopefully alive, but it really all depends on her." "You wouldn't."

"Don't worry about it, dear brother." He says tauntingly. "Cal we have to go." As I walk onto the jet, I feel numb, confused, and heartbroken. How could she do this to me?

She wouldn't ever do this to me because no matter how mad she is at me some part of her would always love me in the same way that I would always love her.

She could hate me and block me out but we were impossible to forget.

I know that better than anybody else.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Mare POV**

As I watch the scene in the courtyard, I should be worrying about Cal. But I feel numb. Devoid of emotion or feeling.

In other words, I feel like a monster.

Or maybe I don't just feel like one. I am one.

In truth, I guess I always wondered when I would reach my breaking point or when my line would be crossed. Any humane person would have gone mad a long time ago if they had seen what I have seen.

My cruel reality.

I'm better off like this. If there is no one in your life you care about you have no one to lose. Everyone I've ever loved I've lost. Cal, Maven, Shade, my family, and soon Farley and Kilorn.

My family, Cal, and Maven may not be dead but they are dead to me. I'll never see my family or Cal again and Maven's as much of a monster as I am.

"Mare?" I don't respond. "Mare?" He asks again this time a little louder. I snap my dull brown eyes to his icy blue ones. I hope he can see how empty mine are.

"Are you happy now?" I ask my voice raspy and cold. "You've changed." I laugh at that. My laughs were nothing more than gasps, a reminder of what he put me through. "I've done far more than that." "Was it worth it?" "It doesn't matter anymore." "But it does." "I suppose it was worth it. At least I can say I saved lives. But truly, in the end, it will all end in the same outcome." "That being?"

"Death. That fate is inevitable."

"When did you become so unreachable?" "When the world turned its back on me. A long time ago. There was always a part of me that was like this, but the good in me was stronger."

"You sound insane Mare." "Good." He rolls his eyes. I sit back on the plush chair I'm currently in and observe the sitting room. I scoff. "Of all the rooms in Whitefire." He narrows his eyes. "Who the hell are you, because I'm sure you're not Mare Barrow."

"Ask me something only I would know."

"What was the last thing I said to you in the Bowl of Bones cells?"

"I told you to hide your heart once. You should've listened."

"I admit it was good advice and if I had taken it a lot more people would still be alive." "Shade?" "And so many others."

"Don't pretend to care about nameless faces you would sacrifice again in a heartbeat." "They may be nameless but they are not faceless. There's still something to haunt me."

"You were so different back then."

"Innocent?" He smirked. "More or less." "I was so ignorant refusing to see what was right in front of me." "In a way, I always wished you would have figured out what I was going to do on your own." "Why?" "Because you would have hated me but we would have still been betrothed and I truly believe I would have had a chance at redemption."

"You can't say things like that." "Why not?" "Because it lights old fires and feelings that I never want to remember or feel again." He cups the side of my face with his hand. "Stop running from your feelings."

I feel him brush his lips against mine.

"I'm not," I whisper against his soft lips.


	11. Chapter 11

**Mare POV**

Manipulation is an interesting concept.

The art of tricking someone into seeing something that's not really there, almost like magic. People like Cal, my family, and my friends are easy to manipulate because I have proven myself to them, and earned their trust.

Someone like Maven is hard to manipulate.

Most people have an image in their head of who they want me to be. A figment of the imagination. To put it quite bluntly I am not a good person. I am a murderer, a hostage, a prisoner, a savior, but never a truly good person.

The people close to me fine-tune those qualities out because they choose to look to the light in me. Yes, there is light and good in me but what is light if there is a shadow consuming it?

Darkness.

Maven understands the darkness in me, so only he can understand the light. Light is to darkness as rain is to grass, without the other there is nothing.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone can see me. Or hear me. The silent screams for help, the plea to be saved. Somedays I never stop screaming. But no one comes.

I suppose that I'm alive and that I should be thankful for that. But I'm not. I yearn for death, for an ending to this trauma. But it will never come. Because of a selfish little boy, a desperate prince, and a dead girl walking. Such a sad story.

The weak little princess got betrayed by the broken boy and ran to his brother who had already betrayed her. It's awful to think that everything I did doesn't matter. I didn't really change anything. Sure I might have helped a few people but those people will eventually die and then what did I do really?

After that falls away all I am is the trophy that two kings fought over.

A damsel in distress.

I have nothing. Once I loved someone more than anything else in the world. But our own foolish actions ruined that.

I don't remember starting to cry. I'm not sobbing it's just a steady river of tears falling down my face. I am weak. Useless.

I can't afford weakness not when I'm in the devil's clutches. It was a noble thing to do, to sacrifice myself for those that I care about. But the harsh truth of it was I couldn't be the queen.

I won't. I'm depressed and in a dark place. I need help. And I'm not going to get it here. When I was here before I was much too prideful to hurt myself even under such circumstances. But now? I just don't know.

I don't feel the glass cutting my arms as I shoot a bolt of lightning into the window, destroying it. Even in such a dark place for the first time in a very long time, I feel hope.

As my legs pound on the ground running from everything I tried so hard to achieve I finally feel as though I stand a chance. In my haste after running for nearly an hour, I don't see her until I run straight into her.

"Iris?" "What are you doing here?" "Running, same as you, I thought you were dead." "When I saw you with him I thought that I was paranoid but I wasn't going to take any chances. When I overheard him telling someone to eliminate me, I knew that I had to go." "I simply couldn't stay. I thought I could for Kilorn, Farley, and the reds but there are very few people I would actually pay that price for."

"It is very noble that you would pay that price for anyone Mare Barrow."

"There are some people that are worth taking a bullet for." "The prince?" "Maybe at one point." "Don't lie to yourself Mare Barrow you can't turn off love like a switch. Especially not when the other person still loves you."

"Yes." "What?"

"I would take a bullet for him, a million bullets if it meant that he was safe." "You have to tell him that." "I can't," I say blinking away the tears. "Why not?" "Because he loves the crown more than he will ever love me."

"People can surprise you."


	12. Chapter 12

**Cal POV**

"Cal." Evangeline hisses. "What?" I say softly too tired to snap or even attempt to appease Evangeline.

"You have to do something."

"I am doing something."

"Just not what you are supposed to be doing."

"What exactly am I supposed to be doing?"

"Saying something to calm your people." Now Julian was here too. "It would be best for you to give a speech preferably on camera to boost morale." "Nanabel can't you just do it?" "Has a year away from royal training suddenly made you incapable of making a speech?" "No, but-" "Then it's settled. Be at the throne room in an hour."

"I need time!" "For what?" "To grieve Nanabel." "So help me god I will die before I let you throw away your life and everything I've given to you for some girl. A red one at that."

"I love her." She puts her hand on my cheek lightly. "Then win the war to get her back."

I knew that I could be foolish but I wasn't that foolish. Nanabel was manipulating me plain and simple. I know of course that she loves me but sometimes I do question her intentions. People no matter how evil and cruel are still people. And they deserve to be treated like humans. Not pons. Nanabel sees people as pawns on a chessboard.

In a way that I have only seen one other person do.

Maven.

But she also sees them as stairs or stepping stones. It doesn't matter how many stairs she has to climb as long as she ends up at the top. In some ways, she reminds me of Mare. Mares not evil or cruel but she can be manipulative and cunning if she wishes to be. I think that underlayer of malice was always there but it wasn't until Elara and Maven provoked her that it truly started to come out.

When you look deeper though you start to see the cracks in her mask.

Underneath it all, she's just a red girl from the stilts who doesn't believe she's worthy of being loved. She is in every way deserving of love. I want her to always feel such a consuming amount of love so that she can never doubt if she is loved again. Above all I just want her to be happy. I truly hope that I can give that to her. If a speech is what it takes to get her back I will do it if only for the slight chance that she could, in fact, come back.

Nanabel and Julian want me to write some big inspiring speech about how Maven, his allies, and the Scarlet Guard are evil. How against the odds we will win the war because our morals and our cause are just. Truth to be told I'm beginning to realize our cause just a figment of the past barely holding on. The system our cause wants to desperately to uphold is extremely outdated. It worked for a very different Norta with a very different king. I always knew that our system was wrong but I didn't believe that I could do anything about it. If I had done something the world would be very different.

Father would be alive. He would feel betrayed but at the very least he would be breathing.

It's a selfish thought but I can't help but wonder who Mare would have chosen in that other life.

Life would have been much simpler had I realized what I wanted. And what I needed. I want the crown, a peaceful Norta, and the Maven that I knew to come back.

But what I need is Mare.

She makes me a better person.

With all of my heart I believe that if I continue on the road I'm on I'll end up like my father. An alcoholic with the weight of a lost love on my shoulders. Julian tells me that he was different before my mother died. He changed when he became king and the man that I knew was different than the one my mother married. I love my father unconditionally but he did have his faults like any other father. I wish that I had done something about how he treated Maven before Maven did. His treatment of Maven was the penultimate nail in his coffin. But ultimately I was the one who cut his head off. Elara forced me to do it but it was still my hand wielding that sword.

Even in my darkest hour I have always known what I wanted, had a plan, or a picture of what I wanted my life to look like. But now? I am completely in the dark. As helpful as that speech would be for our soldiers, I mentally can't do it. I need time to come to terms with what has happened.

It hasn't really sunk in yet. I keep feeling like we're still in those meetings avoiding each other eyes, her throwing insults, and me trying to hold a conversation. I have to keep reminding myself that she's gone.

I suppose you would think it would be easier this time. We are broken up, we weren't even really on speaking terms, and she had been taken by Maven before. The hard part is comprehending that I allowed this to happen again, even though I promised myself that I would protect her at all costs.

I decided that taking a break from the war was the best cure to my sorrow that there was. Nanabel agreed to my break as long as I gave that speech.

She gave me a week.

It doesn't seem like much, but it was more than what I had hoped for. I talked to Julian about Mare. He says that my grief not hitting yet is normal after losing the most important person in my life.

I can only hope that she will assume that role again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of a Mare Iris friendship:))

**Mare POV**

Iris and I have much more in common than I thought.

Of course, there's our mutual hate of Maven, but she also understands more than anyone else what I went through during my time with Maven.

In some ways, it was probably worse for her. He could've killed her. Easily. And time with Maven however brief can haunt you. He makes you wonder, could that have been me? One wrong step and I could've ended up exactly like Maven.

Iris and I have met before of course, but we were very much on opposite sides then. Despite that, she has shown me nothing but strange kindness. I have no reason to hate Iris Cygnet. If anything it's kind of nice to have someone to talk to.

Almost like a friend.

It's a foreign feeling to me seeing as I have only had one friend my whole life. I may never see him again.

"You are nothing like I expected you to be." I laugh, "Likewise." "With the stories and court gossip that I hear I had assumed you were a very cold and spiteful girl."

I think about that for a moment.

"You're not entirely wrong." "How did you get through it?" I see so much of myself in Iris. I can hear the desperation I once held. "I didn't. I lost myself because I was scared and bitter about my life. You can see where that got me." I say gesturing at our surroundings. "That's true, but you are also probably the strongest person I've ever met. I believe you are a good person who has been through and overcome so much."

"No one has ever told me that before." She looks shocked. "Not even the prince?" "That's not really how Cal and I do things. I think we both regret that now."

"What is he like?" "Probably pretty similar to your expectations," I smirk, "What do you think he's like?" "Reckless, arrogant, and a little bit stupid." "Reckless yes, arrogant no." "Really?" "Absolutely."

"He can be a little dense sometimes. He can figure out every opponent's weakness but at the same time he just sulks like a lost puppy if I'm mad at him, without a clue on what to do." She laughs at that.

"I know that you could have been a princess, so why aren't you one?" "I could have been a lot of things. A queen, a princess, even a consort." "A consort?!" "Yes."

"Which one wanted that?" She asks obviously amused. "Cal." "I thought that it would have been Maven." "Maven would never make me a consort. He sees me more as a queen than a consort in his twisted fantasies."

She frowns.

"It seems like they pull you back and forth like a trophy." "I've thought that many times myself. I do question sometimes if they love me or if this is just a battle to see who can win me." "Which is it?" "Both." They both had genuine affection for me once. But it has kind of turned into a battle."

"Who wins the battle?" She inquires. "That's the problem, you see. The battles already won." "What do you mean?" "Well, when Elara killed the king, Cal and I were put in the Bowl of Bones cells. Maven asked me to choose him and become his queen. I turned him down and told Cal and Maven that I chose myself."

"But you didn't." "No, I chose Cal. I always have. I always will. That makes Maven madder than anything else." "I always forget how young he is." "He's the same age as me. He's not an entirely awful king concerning everything except Cal and me. He's like a toddler on matters concerning us."

"Yes, I know."

"So where exactly are we going anyway, Mare?" "Probably the Rift." "I would prefer if we didn't go there."

"May I ask why?" "My father." "You should know that Salin Iral didn't do it on orders. No one was supposed to kill your father." "He did it for Volo Samos." "Yes, he did it for Volo to impress him and if you want to make Volo pay the best way to do that is to go there and do it." "That is a fair point." "I'll look the other way if you want to throw him in the river," I say smiling.

"Or you could make Salin pay for what he did. If you walk in there offering an alliance you could ask for the moon and Volo would have to give it to you."

"How long will it take to reach the Rift?" "Probably around a week since we need to be careful. Maven will have people out looking for us." "Especially you." "Yes." "Any clue where we are?" "Not really I think we should just keep walking until we reach a town."

"And then what do we do? We have very recognizable faces." "Ironically I think even though I'm the queen of this country your face is still much more recognizable. You're as recognizable as Maven and Cal if not more." "I guess that's true. So maybe we have you go in and try to find a sign or anyone that will tell you where we are. We should still conceal your identity as much as possible though because even if your not Maven's main target he'll still go after you, and then he will find me." "It's a lose-lose situation."

"Exactly. Conceal your identity and we won't get caught."


End file.
